onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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