My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
