We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
