was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
