Already got asked if we're dating
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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