I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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