one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
