Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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