i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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