College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
