So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
