this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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