Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
