is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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