grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
