This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
