My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize