Where did you get a picture of my penis
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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