You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
