When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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