wakey wakey hands off snakey
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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