Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
