I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
