Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
