i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How external is "for external use only"?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
