We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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