i barfeds in our rink
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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