There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
