I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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