i think my mom watched the whole time
the condom got lost in my hair
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
