ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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