Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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