i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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