I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
