Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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