I puked a lego.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize