I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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