90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Girls should come with a carfax report
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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