just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
