Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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