Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
