this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
