woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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