I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
