If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
