wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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