Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
