where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
