I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
