I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't deserve a penis
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
