i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
