This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
sarcasm needs its own font
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
