I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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