Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
