we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
