Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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