Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
