Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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