I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
