we have officially lost it.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
