break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
