Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
