Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize