So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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