my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think your dad took our porno
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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