p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
