You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
