ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize