Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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