What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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