Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
is it fun? or sober?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
