Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
