Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
