i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
