I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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